Meeting Me in Costa Rica

This trip to Costa Rica found me, I didn't go looking for it.  Holy Yoga Detroit was heading to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica and I was invited, to which I promptly said,  "no thank you". Monkeys and lizards and an all vegan menu served with coffee, tea and 100% humidity. It was an easy "no". It has been a hard couple of years for me and the idea of this trip was not the idyllic vacation I had been dreaming about taking. A month or so later the invitation came up again and this time I, at least, gave it a second thought. I checked with work and couldn't get the time off so again, it was a "no thank you". A few months later, the invitation came back again. "We feel like you are meant to be on this trip with us,"  they said. And this time I agreed. It seemed the idea of this Costa Rica Yoga Retreat would not let me go. I checked with work and the calendar had opened up  so I could have the time off- easy breezy.  I started to think, maybe God does have something there for me, even though I didn't necessarily want to go. Did I mention the menu? All- vegan. For some people that is a dream come true. For me that is a self discipline, self control, self denial nightmare; something to be endured and not enjoyed.  I wasn't so sure about this trip, but like I said, it kept coming back to me. So I went.   

And here's what happened when I showed up in Costa Rica: Not only did God show up, but He also allowed me to show up. After what I have walked through this last year there are some days I am not even sure who I am anymore. There were moments in this last year that I wasn't even sure I was going to make it. So, what a divine gift, to come on this trip and meet myself in the most unexpected ways. I was reminded of who I am and WHOSE I am.  I was able to laugh and dance and try new things. I met beautiful, strong and resilient new friends.  I  got to experience community as God intends for us: to eat together, cry together, pray together and experience nature and the beauty of Costa Rica together. I got to be fully alive and see glimpses of my restoration, my beauty for ashes. I was challenged, I was held, I was supported and loved in community with others. Yes, God had something there for me in Costa Rica. 

One night in one of our yoga sessions-  Nakia preached about David. She talked about Psalm 51 where David asks God to create in him a pure heart. He doesn't just ask for a clean heart-  but he asks for a total reboot-  wipe the slate clean and start over. Create a new heart. I have read that Psalm a million times before but it was the first time I was ever still long enough to contemplate this idea of creating a new heart. If ever I have needed God to create something new in my life, a total reboot inside of me- it has been now. The tears started flowing as the God of the universe bent down over my yoga mat and whispered that He sees me in my ashes, He sees me rising out of them and He heard me when I asked him to create a clean heart in me. Right then and there, the weight of the world that I had been carrying for so long I didn't even notice was pinning me down, was lifted and I came off that yoga mat lighter and free-er and cleaner and purer than I have been in years. Yes, God had something there for me in Costa Rica. 

One evening we went as a group to the ocean to watch the sunset. We were encouraged to take 30 minutes to be quiet with God on the beach.  I walked straight down to the shore to put my feet into the warm ocean water. I didn't need 30 minutes- it took God 30 seconds to say what needed to be said as soon as my feet hit that water. The waves were roaring and rushing up onto the shore. With just the water up to my ankles, I felt the power of those waves and I was nearly knocked over into the waves. In an instant, God spoke to me, pleaded with me "Daughter", He said. "How can you worry about your future when I, the One who created these powerful waves, the One that commands how far up onto the shore they can come- I hold it all together, including you and your life. I see you, I have you, do not worry." And in those 30 seconds I was silenced and my biggest worries I've been carrying for the last year- were lifted. Yes, God had something there for me in Costa Rica. 

Of course no one needs to travel to have an encounter with our Father, God. He is faithful and right here, right now. And He longs to meet with us. Sometimes the harder thing is to get still and get quiet in the midst of life as usual. But, how breath-taking it is when the One who made you shows up and speaks to the one He calls beautiful daughter. When you have walked a hard road and the burdens have become so heavy but it is all you've known for so long that you no longer notice how heavy it has become. How freeing, how amazing when all of that is lifted- and you can finally breathe in hope and peace and trust. Yes, God showed up in the people, in creation (yes, even in a frog), in the food (especially the food!) By the way, it was the most pure and nourishing food I have ever tasted. Isn't God good! Yes, God had something there for me in Costa Rica. I am so grateful that I was invited- three times. And I am so glad I showed up. I am so grateful I am being restored and I am so grateful to come home lighter, free-er and sure of who holds me and my future. Thank you, Holy Yoga Detroit for the opportunity to experience The Kingdom here on earth- in Costa Rica. I cannot wait for more! 

Written by: Jen Gebhardt